Daisies and Bruises

Where have I been?  I really didn't want my blog or my social media page to be a temporary thing. When I received my diagnosis I refused to fall victim to it and I wanted to start my blog to raise awareness and to share my story. As always I told myself that I would probably fail, that nobody would care or that I, myself, would lose interest and quit.  Surprisingly that is not what happened as I am still very invested towards my blog and my goals are the same. So what happened, where did I go?  I had a moment of weakness, a very low few weeks mentally. I hit a dip and was really feeling the effects of my PTSD and depression. I was having constant flashbacks and feelings of worthlessness. I told myself "how do I think I am helping other people with my story and thoughts when I am still so broken?"  So I stopped posting ... for a while  I felt as though I could not help anybody if I am not helping myself. Then a few things dawned on me. Like a little ray of sunshi...

 ONE SHOT, TWO SHOTS, THREE SHOTS .....  Who doesn't love a glass of wine with a friend or a cold beer on a hot day? A glass of red wine while cooking dinner on a Friday evening? A glass of champagne to celebrate a promotion or a birthday? I guess these are all pretty common events or occasions that would allow one to consume alcohol, no big deal. But what if that one glass of wine with a friend turns into 2 bottles, some cocktails and a couple shots in a dingy bar with random men hitting on you and then having to bribe some cops on the way home so that you don't get arrested for DUI? doesn't sound like your average, healthy, Wednesday afternoon, now does it? Now what if you wake up the next morning and you are surprisingly NOT hungover? but instead, you hate yourself, you feel guilt and shame, you look in the mirror and see a disappointment and feel completely and utterly lost within yourself? Even more toxic if you ask me.  Well, that was me not very long ago.  I w...